So you've memorized the intricacies of each and every wave of ska to hit the musical shore, along with all the various and sundry punk incarnations, from old school to new school, and every pop and post-punk stop in between. You've fronted umpteen garage bands, mastered every instrument known to those umpteen garage bands, and with said garage bands, have perfected the consummate cover of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven." You even sport the required rock star look, complete with leather pants/tie-dyed hair/Doc Martens/nose piercing/etc. But despite all your appearances of ready-made rock star, Five Iron Frenzy must beg the question…

"How Rock and Roll Are You???"

Yes, folks, those favorite ska fiends of yours and mine, ever concerned about the rock and roll destiny of their fellow man, have devised a top secret method (okay, so maybe it's not so top secret anymore!) of determining the exact degree of rock and roll flowing through the veins of you, Joe/Jill America. It's a public service, really. And in the spirit of public service, our humanitarian friend, Reese Roper (Five Iron's requisite scientist, comedian, cow-suit wearer, Space Ghost lover, blue comb user…oh, yeah…and he also sings and writes lyrics) will be guiding us through the all-important process.


"We have this joke about how rock and roll you are," Reese explains. "Our ruler for setting how rock and roll you are is Carman on one side. And on the other side is G.G. Allin [1]. And in the middle is Keith Richards [2]. So we ask, 'What side of Keith Richards are you on?' And if you're on the G.G. Allin side, you're bad!"

(But never fear, 5Fe fans! Your favorite frontman laughingly assures that he's "more on the Carman side of Keith Richards!")

However, Mr. Roper also readily acknowledges how easy it can be to get caught up in the rock and roll lifestyle. "The thing about rock and roll is (that) rock and roll is wild and rebellious…It's strange, 'cause you can get away with almost anything, and kids think it's cool. And it's hard to say to yourself, 'This isn't right. And it doesn't matter how funny it is'…You gotta do the right thing."

"And the other things that's hard, is that a lot of kids try and put you on a pedestal and make you into some idol. And sometimes, just to feel accepted, you try and go for that role; you try to be that. Just so that you feel accepted, because it's a natural human tendency. But it's not right. It's hard to get away from that."

So how does one transcend the stereotypical image and persona that comes with rock-and-roll-singer territory, and make a real and positive contribution to the music world (and the world in general)? For someone like Reese, a lead singer and primary lyricist, the avenue for displaying real intellect and real concern comes in a large part through the song-writing process.


"I just feel that I have this huge burden to be real and to be transparent...I've had so many people be preachy at me and say 'You have to do this;' and 'This will make you feel better;' and 'This is how it works. This is how to be a Christian.' And very few people actually show you how...I want to show kids that this is what it feels like to have your parents get divorced ("Blue Comb '78"). Like in our song "Where 0 Meets 15" on the first album, this is what it's like to hang out at a bus stop with a bunch of heroine junkies at 11 at night."

But along with the burden of transparency, the need to share with thousands of strangers your innermost thoughts and beliefs and hopes and failures, comes another burden…

What happens when no one gets it?

"Oh my gosh! Like every day I get discouraged about it (people not understanding the songs). I have this ongoing idea of writing a song that's super simple and like, one chord…(and then I'd just like to say) 'Read the words!'…It's tough."


"I'm glad I'm in a Christian band and not in a secular band, because I think that God gives me peace and patience to deal with that (people not understanding). I just think that the reason that we're in this band is because God is merciful and that if He wants us to write something, then we'll write it. And if He wants somebody to get something out of it, then that's fine. And He'll do it."

And though God has worked awesome things through Five Iron's music ("I know that after shows, there's been a lot of times we've prayed with people, and people have gotten saved"), far too often, fans like to get other things out of the lyrics and about the band. It seems that the rumormongers don't stop, even at Christian music. (In the past, FIF drummer Andrew Verdecchio commented in disgust about "ridiculous" Five Iron rumors. "There are rumors that we're homosexuals and that we're all drug users. There are all kinds of rumors we've seen on the Internet.). So how does Reese and Co. handle the barrage of sometimes silly, sometimes just plain cruel stories?

"As far as dealing with all the rumors and stuff, I guess we just take it with a grain of salt. I mean, I think it's kinda funny. There's nothing we can do about it. And I really hope that God would just show people the truth: that we can be good role models, and that we can do the right thing, and that people would see us doing that and not just believe all they hear."

But in one recent case, Five Iron followers can actually thank an off-the-wall rumor for its particularly humorous legacy…although Mrs. Dunham may have been a tad upset at first to learn of the "untimely death" of her son! So was the pre-posthumous ode to trumpet player Brad Dunham's demise based on actual events?

"Yes!" Reese promises in a voice tinged with humor and amusement (and not a small bit of disbelief!). "He missed a show, -- I think he missed a show in Louisville -- because his trumpet got kicked by the opening band. And he couldn't play because one of the valves was stuck or something. So then we go on the Internet, and all these kids are like, 'Brad wasn't at the show! I think he's dead!'…I can understand why it happens, but I just think the Internet is such a petri dish for gossip."

And speaking of petri dishes (now, there's a transition you don't see very often!), should the plethora of bizarre rumors ever lead to the untimely death of Five Iron Frenzy, Reese vows to return to his original love: Biology. "I think when it's all over, I will have to go back to school, because I only have 22 credits left to get my undergrad. And then, I'm either going to go to seminary or film school..."

But here's the really important question of the day: what would happen if on Superbowl Sunday, Ed McMahon comes knocking on Reese Roper's door with the $31 million dollar Publisher's Clearinghouse prize? What would the future hold? Forget film school and seminary and prepare for the world's earliest retirement? Buy a Lamborghini? Invest in blue combs?!

"I would love to give it (the money) to these cool homeless shelters we have here (in Denver). There's one called the Denver Rescue Mission. And there's one that my girlfriend works at. And (I'd just love to) help those guys out. And there's this soup kitchen, that this guy comes to all our shows and he brings his kids, and they're really cool."

And the ultimate dream?

"The town that I grew up in, Steamboat Springs; it's a ski town up in the mountains, and the mountain was bought by the Japanese. And I would like to buy (the mountain) back! But it's probably like $240 million!"

So much for that idea! Guess we Five Iron fans will just have to be content with listening to Reese Roper's voice, as opposed to snowboarding down his mountain! But with two great albums and a rockin' EP offering up plenty of skankin' ska sentiments to horn-lovin' boys and girls everywhere, it seems more than an adequate settlement! Rock on, snow bunnies!